“The Devil Is In My Colon!”

A short story, by Magnus T. Böner….

Friday night was a wonderful night. I spent it with my cousin Pat, and his lovely sweetie, Miss Heather. We went brewery-hopping around the Sumner area. The beer was decent, and the company was great. We finish the evening at the Lake Tapps Rock, Wood fired Pizza. We killed an order of chicken Nachos, and a large pizza.

The next morning I had plans to meet my Friend Alex at the brewery we work for. We were planning to deliver a couple kegs to a very kool Bellevue bar, called Legion. It is ran by two local, sports-ball celebrity-athletes. However, the devil had other plans for me….

After a nice breakfast, I left cousin Pat’s giving myself plenty of time. My favorite slut-hut, drive-through espresso is down in Kent, and just happened to be on the way. Before I got to the Bikini Barista place, I started to feel things inside of me. I thought to myself, “perhaps I will have to use the toilet when I get to the brewery?” Little did I know, a toilet was not what Jesus had planned for me…

At Hottie Shots, a lovely lady in a one-piece thong, see-through top, situation made me coffee. It was a 12 oz double Americano, with a tiny shot of cream. She was a hottie indeed! She had sexy tattoos, a nice plump butt, mid-sized boobies, and I could see her pierced nipples through her naughty outfit. It was a lovely experience, and it brought me joy. However, the joy did not last long…

Back on the road, I had not even gotten a sip of my coffee. I suddenly felt panic! The divil was in my colon! He wanted out! He wanted out now, and he was taking the contents of my bowels with him! I had no choice, and this was happening very, very soon! Possibly in my trousers, if I did not take action in haste. I found a parking lot in an industrial zone. It was mostly empty. I drove back deep, several buildings back. All the way, pressure building, with extreme panic! I found a spot. It was not a good spot at all, but a spot. As quickly as I could, I scrambled to find my baby wipes, in my EDC (every day carry) backpack. With the car still running, and the door ajar. With my head down, I forced my way into some thick shrubby trees, lining a chain link fence. I will spare you the disgusting details, but I will tell you; I gripped that fence to keep my balance, as I did the ole squat, and lean back move. This was not a good time. I did not want to be in this position. I was afraid someone would see me. However, Satin don’t give a fuck!

Cleaned up, hands sanitized, I was back on the road. The GPS said I was now 5 minutes behind schedule. I felt guilt, and shame. I had just shit in a parking lot, like a fucking homeless person! This is when I discovered those lovely trees that gave me some privacy during my moment of desperation. Had become entangled in my ponytail, and they were poking my neck. Now I felt unfit to be seen in public. I was going to need a moment to freshen up before helping deliver those kegs.

Long story short, Alex got to the brewery before me. He sent me a txt message. He was able to get in, and decided he did not need my help. I called him, since I was driving. I explained I had a rough morning. Alex did not seem interested in hearing all about it. He just let me off the hook, and let me go home.

At home, I got showered. Fresh clothes, and the feeling of being a content human.

So, I wrote this story.

Hopefully it amuses you…