3/6/25 Last Full Day in Yelapa

     Being our last day in Yelapa, we have to use our time here very wisely. I started it by wandering around town, in search of coffee. Cafe Bahia was closed. Cafe Eclipse was closed. I found my way into cafe Ines. The coffee was not very good, and the bagel was sufficient. I hung out, and did my writing.

     Around 11:30am, I arrived at Dave’s Casa. I had four cans of Modelo Especial with me. I put two in the fridge, and took two out to the patio. Dave, and I discussed some world problems, and then we solved them. Around 2pm we had a bigger problem to solve. I was getting hungry. Welp, mid-day on a Thursday, there were not many lunch options open. I looked at the tiny lunch menu at Cafe Eclipse, but nothing struck my fancy. We decided to hike down to Coco Tiki. Our favorite server miss Beya was off today, and service was a bit slower. I was not feeling human, and was getting edgy. I decided to try the chicken tendies, and fries. When they finally came out, anything would have tasted good. Except those limp greasy fries. They were just OK. The tenders had a breading of panko. I believe they were dredged once in flour and corn starch. Then, dredged in milk or egg. Finally, dredged in the bread crumbs. Dave got the same Nachos I had yesterday. I helped him eat 3 of them. The surf was back to being very mild. I did not wait 45 minutes before swimming.

Hanna Montana:

     So, my first day here. I spotted a cute lady on the beach. I thought she was giving me a look. However, she was wearing sunglasses. So, I could not tell for sure. She looked to be what I call thirty-ish. In my mind this is about 27-35. I thought (wanted to) to see some grey hair in her mix. She was of a thin, fit build, with a sufficiently plump, and shapely back side. I made my way into the water, and swam near her. I mentioned something about the weather, and she euphorically stated it was the best ever. We exchanged “where are you froms” I started to stumble on my words. So, I recovered by saying, “What am I trying to say to you? Hello, my name is Tony. What is your name?” She was Hanna. She asked, “who are you traveling with?” (that is a very intelligent thing to ask.) I told her my Buddy Dave, but on this trip I am calling him “David (Dah-Veed)” She told me on this trip, she was Hanna Montana. She is here with her mother, father, step dad, and a couple other folks. (In my mind, she was Hanna Montana, and The Canadian Crew.) She is a cute Canadian from BC. We pointed to the parts of town, where each other were staying. She was near me. She asked me where I would be hanging out later. I could not remember the name of my favorite spot La Cabinitas. So, I told her I could not remember the name of the place. Hanna told me she would be at the Yacht Club. We tried to go there that night, but they were closed. The next day. I spotted her on the beach. I was feeling extra introverted that day, and was too shy to approach. She walked passed me in a restaurant one night, but did not recognize me. Dave told me we passed her in town. I walked right passed and did not see her.

     Miss Hanna is a very attractive lady. So, of course I felt all of those types of feelings. (Y’all know me.) However, I have realistic expectations of my ability to charm a lady. I would very much enjoy a chat with her and some friendly time. She was a bar over at Tino’s again today. On this day they shall call me “Huevos Grande”. In the water, I chatted up Hanna, her mother, and father. After I toweled off. I walked myself over to her. I said, “Miss Hanna Montana. I have an empty chair next to me. I will buy you a beer, I mean beverage. If you want to have a conversation.” She indicated that she was reading and said, “Maybe in a bit.” It did not take her long, and she came over. (She also has big balls, figuratively) She used having a cigaret as her excuse to step away from her crew. I don’t smoke, but I will have 0-5 cigarets a year. So, when she offered me one. I excepted it. We had a good chat, and smoked a Cig. When Roberto came by. We got bottles of Pacifico, and had a beer together. She also works for a craft brewery! She heads up their marketing. Before the marketing gig, she was a bartender, and server. She is my kind of people. Her family knows the owners of Tino’s bar. So they catch the Tino’s boat taxi back across to the other beach, in front of their house. The boat was there, and she needed to go. She told me they were eating dinner at home on this evening, but she may step over to the Yacht Club later.

     After the beach, Dave, and I changed out of beach clothes, and headed to a place called Mimi’s pizza. We split a small Pizza Mexicana, because we also wanted to eat at La Cabanita’s. The Pizza was thin and crackerie. It was topped with chorizo and Serrano chiles. We added Pepperoni, and asked for the the red onions to only be on half. It was a nice experience.

     At La Cabanita’s we each just got one Al Pastor taco. After dinner, we made our way down to the Yacht Club for more beers. I ordered Modelo Especial, and Dave got wine. The Modelo comes in a clear bottle, and this just bothers me. I believe it is brewed with a beta acid extract, instead of traditional Hops. (Bata acid extract does not oxidize under UV light, and skunk) I have never had one taste skunky. (Edit, I have since had a skunked Modelo Especial,) However, the principle of the clear bottle just bothers me, and I hate the stupid foil around the top. I prefer it out of the can. As we sat, I spotted a very attractive woman approaching, she had her hair down. I looked right at her. I made eye contact. She spoke and said “may I join you?” I replied, “yes please!” This beautiful woman was miss Hanna! When you are used to looking at somebody on a beach, with the hair up, and a lot less clothing. It is harder to recognize them in normal dress. Especially if you don’t know them well, and you’ve been drinking all day.

     Miss Hanna ordered up a bottle of Pacifico, and I decided it was time to to make the switch too. I seem to be drinking a lot of Pacifico, and Victoria this trip. Last trip, my go-to was Modelo Especial. I like it strait up, out of the can. For my Palate, Pacifico NEEDS lime to cut the sweetness.

     Miss Hanna had 2 fags left, and offered the last one to me. We enjoyed a nice fag as we chatted. We had good chats. At some point she asked our ages. Ole buddy Dave is 51. I am 45. It turns out this beautiful human was only 29. I started to suspect she may not be thinking of romancing me. I tried to be a bit guarded. I did not want to give her the creeps. I have been known to sexualize, bread dough, and vegetables. (Also chick peas.) I sign my given name by drawing a big cock, and balls out of the first two letters. Not everyone is ready for an intoxicated Magnus Böner. Somehow, my “pen name” came up in the conversation. I did my best to explain it, but that felt awkward… I have a strong sense of self (ego). I am secure in who I am, both my accomplishments, and my failures. I really enjoy my sense of humor. I am secure with my insecurities. All of us humans have them. However, I am still trying to figure out the appropriate way to “share me” with other people.

     The music stopped, and some lights came on. Miss Hanna pointed out that they were getting ready to close. I offered to buy her beers, but she would not have it. I asked about getting her phone number, or contact information. She suggested we exchange Instagram credentials. I was feeling awkward about opening my Instagram in front of her. I muttered something about possibly being embarrassed. I am not sure what is going on with with my Instagram. I think someone else got ahold of my phone at some point. My instagram is filled with strippers, bikini baristas, and sex workers of all trades. I don’t understand how it got into my stream amongst my food-porn. Sure enough, when she pushed the search button, it was nothing but tits, and ass. She punched in her credentials, and told me she also took a screenshot of it, because she knew the wifi was sketchy. (Very thoughtful!)

     I was very impressed with this lovely human I got to interact with. She was thoughtful. She was both friendly, and nice towards me. She spoke well. All the things… She was also cute AF! I am very thankful for the privilege of her company. I know some fellows measure success with ladies by wether or not they have sexy-time with them. I have a different way of measuring my success. On this day, I felt like I won a gold medal, in my devision. (I removed a distasteful joke that used the words “special olympics”.)

Baller Dave:

     Buddy Dave is a tall fucker. His hobby is basket ball. He truly has a love of this sport, and it is what he does to stay fit. In the middle of Yelapa there is an old cement basket ball court. Dave brought a basket ball with him on this trip. Yelapa is a small town. They are figuring out how to embrace tourism as an income source, but somethings we take for granted are hard to come by, or are expensive. A high quality Wilson Basketball is about $50 USD in the states. Dave brought one down with him. He also brought a small portable pump to inflate it.

     Today we pumped up the basket ball. Of course, I had a Sharpie marker with me. Dave wrote on the ball, “Gracias Yelapa” We went down to the court. There were some local kids playing. They were welcoming, and gave us room to play a game of pig. I had some initial success, but it did not take Dave long to win the game. There was a nino down there named Jarim (ha-reem). He appeared to be the tallest, and oldest boy. When we finished our game. Dave passed him the ball. He told him, “this is for you. This is for Yelapa.” He had a “no way” look on his face. We left for food or beers or both…

     Later we walked by, and Jarim was playing with the ball, with some other boys. I think he may have tried to give it back to Dave…

     Even later we came by. All the boys were gone. We figure Jarim will probably become the care taker of the “Gracias Yelapa Ball”.  There was a very fit man, probably aged less than 30.  It is an exaggeration, but I reckon this man was about half as tall as Dave. I wished I would have gotten some photos or video. He passed his ball to Dave, and he took a shot. They spent some time shooting the ball, and passing it back to each other. This little fucker could play! In my mind, he sunk more shots than Dave. Dave pointed out that he also shot the ball twice as much. I think it was fun for this little man to show off his baller-skills to the tall gringo. He somehow knew I did not play…

Baya, and Roberto:

     Miss Baya is a lovely, and thick Latina lady about my age. She has a great attitude, and has been a delight to interact with since we got here. She can banter, and is not afraid of candid conversation. She is fun.

     Roberto works with miss Baya, He is a friendly fellow, who’s energy changes as the day progresses. Dave, and I recon he likes to drink. He likes to ask us if we are drunk, and seems to really enjoy his job of serving tourists. These two have kept us coming back to Coco-Tiki every day with their affable personalities, and free shots of tequila. Miss Baya is an extra special human, and owns a tiny soft spot in my heart. Thank you ma’am.

Kelly:

     I spotted her down on the beach. She was 3 chairs over, and solo. She is probably somewhere between 35 and my age. She looked good in her bikini. I chatted her up. She was from Portland, and is here checking out a “Wellness Retreat”. She works in travel, and wanted to check things out. So, she can recommend them to her clients. She was fun to chat with. Some folks at the “Wellness” retreat did not think she should be coming down to the beach for an alcoholic beverage. Then there are the vegans. Apparently, they have things to say about what the other folks eat. Sounds to me like some of these fuckers need to work on their own “wellness” and mind their own “wellness”.

Old-Man Paul:

     We first spotted him in town at Tacos Y Mas! Dave tells me he gave him a proper “eye fuck” when we saw him the first time. Dave is from Seattle, and is used to being surrounded by the LGBQ folks. He thinks he gets this energy from Paul. I do not feel it, but he ain’t eye fucked me either…. We saw him at the waterfall. We have exchanged chats. He is a fit, and friendly old. Our last chat with him was on the Pier, just before we left town. He told us about a cool walk to an abandoned home. Paul told us he won’t be back here next year. India is calling him. We get the feeling he is some sort of Yoga Guru. He told us that both Dave, and I have very open energy. Paul says, “the change you want to see in the world starts in your own heart.” I really enjoyed running into this old man, and he was a delight to interact with.

     I reckon some of them “wellness” folks need to listen to the teachings of Old Man Paul.

You do you. You put in your body what you see fit. In my experience, Most folks who identify as vegans need to keep their yappers shut, and fuck right off…

As a rule, I avoid talking about politics. I did just say, “I’m sorry” a few times.