3/5/2025 In Search of The Cemetery

     Ole Man Paul gave us something Dave calls “Irish Directions”; “You go down here past the big tree, when you get to the rock take a right. On the corner will be an old lady, in red hat, with a big dick. Go passed her, and hang a left at the light post…”

     Today we are in search of an “old cemetery”. It is going to be a daring adventure through the jungle. We are going to boldly go where no gringo has wandered before. (Except old man Paul) I packed my day-pack. I had 4x 16oz beers, in my thermal bag, wrapped with a frozen bowl. I grabbed my long sleeve merino wool Henly shirt. I packed a first aid kit, a length of parachute cord, and the zip-on pant legs for my shorts. I also had about 3/4 L of water. We were provisioned up! I wanted to be ready if things went side ways. However, old man Paul does this walk. We did not think we were taking chances. It is just best to be prepared.

     After a good breakfast of Arrachera, beans Chilequiles, and guac. We used a combination of Google Maps and Old Man Paul’s directions. We walked up a steep hill, and were soon looking at a couple of parked cars. WHAT IS THIS?!? The internet says there are no cars. Yelapa is only accessible from the sea. There are no land routs to get here. It did not even take us ten minutes to find a road capable of handling an automobile. The interned is full of shit! I some how knew this. What tourist Americans call a road, is not the same as these working class Mexicans. I wanna poke fun at the King Co WA natives. I have seen where y’all hike out I90. This road ain’t that nice. I have had a 2002 Hyundai Accent down worse.

     Dave, and I discussed which way to go. Do we follow the wide road out into the jungle, or take the small trail to the right. It was pretty obvious to me. The small trail to the right was only there to access the cell tower. I humored Dave, and we walked out the trail to the right. It led passed a cell tower, and right into a grave yard. The oldest grave stone I found was a person born in 1914. All the graves appear to be Catholic. Some were decorated quite nicely. Some had cans of beer, pictures, or prayer candles on them. It was a worthy trip, but much shorter than expected.

      After exploring the cemetery a bit. We followed the road out of town for a ways. The next point of interest is called Yelapa Tapa. It is about 4 miles from town, and is just a hill top with a view. We were not down for that much of a hike on this day. We discussed that it might be fun to rent quads next trip, and go explore. We found a shady spot and cracked a couple of beers. I had put them in the freezer for 40 min. before I packed them. I really was expecting a couple mile walk. Two and a half each way, and some jungle trail. Something like the “light house walk” from last trip… We sipped our ice cold beers, and started making our way back to town. We decided to walk down the trail that leads south along the shore for a ways. It did not take us long to get board with that.

     We made our way down to our favorite beach bar, Coco Tiki. The surf was really coming in today. The waves were the biggest I have ever seen here, and the tide was high. There were only a few folks playing in the surf. I was quite hungry, and the day before I had spotted a plate of Nachos here that looked epic. I ordered up a plate of Asada Nachos, and finished them with salsa Macha. The steak was marinated, tender, and delicious. They had refried pinto beans on them, and either jack or Oaxacca cheese. The oily heat of the salsa Macha contrasted nicely. While I was eating my nachos I watched Dave brave the surf. His timing and technique was slightly off, and he ate a wave before he was able to make it out passed them. When he got out of the ocean, some ladies applauded him.

     As a responsible adult, I wanted 45 minutes after eating before swimming. I polished off my 3rd Pacifico, and made my way to the beach. I stood there and watched the waves. After watching Dave, I had created a good strategy. The waves come in in a repeating cycle. I would wait for the last, biggest wave. Then dive under and through it, passed the brake. This worked like a charm, and soon I was swimming out passed the surf. I had to avoid the small boat that transports folks from the beach to the south pier. (He was having a hell of a time!)

     After a good swim, I decided it was time to make my way into shore. I did not have a good strategy for this. You see, after a big wave breaks, and comes in. All that water then flows back into the ocean. It is a pretty strong current, and can pull you down off your feet, or back into the ocean. Then, the next one pushes you back to the shore. I got onto my feet, and started climbing out. As a stood there fighting the back-pull. A big fucking wave put me down for a tumble. You see, when these waves come in. They swirl the sand into a slurry. If one of those fuckers takes you down, you get sand in your hair, and in some other places. I got sand in places I did not even know I had! I used my tenacity and got out of the water. The same ladies that applauded Dave as he came in, were clapping for me. Later, Dave and I would witness a local girl effortlessly and elegantly enter the ocean. She had no problem navigating the surf. I did not see it, but Dave tells me she was able to get out of the water effortlessly too. I reckon the old Gringo needs more practice.

     My swimming, nachos, and beers completely wiped out my energy. I thought I needed a shower, and a siesta. It took me two washings, and a round of conditioner to get all the sand out of my hair. Once I was feeling human again. I had the realization that a nap was not in the cards. I headed over to Dave’s Casa and we had a couple beers. Though I am on vacation, and trying to disconnect from work. I am still looped into some group texts from work. Some coworkers got a video of me talking to a big rooster (cock) He was in a tree just below dave’s deck. He was a big, beautiful cock… We decided to make our way down to the Yacht Club. It is an open air bar, right on the ocean. It is one of the oldest in town. It is one of those places that only gringos go. Holy shit. The servers here were cute! Black curly hair, very pretty faces, and nice round butts.

     We had dinner at Tacos Y Mas! Again. I was still pretty full from my nachos. So, I only had 2 al Pastor. David had 4 Al Pastor.

     I am not sure what today has in store for us, but tomorrow we head back to PV.